We didn’t know it was a pattern of abuse that was followed to the letter, if we did, we wouldn’t have invested time and energy on one so toxic! Instead we tried repeatedly to explain how insensitive they were and inform them of what common human decency was.
When we finally escaped, shock encompassed every inch of our being! We had no idea what we had been through, but what we did know is that we had experienced the ultimate betrayal!
As we are left with the wreckage trying to figure it all out, it begins….the smear campaign! Never in our lives have we seen such malice being poured out against us! Many of our friends, family members and even strangers jumped on the bandwagon of the abuser.
It is a narrative that seems to have been conjured up in the darkest bowels of hell! The deceitful nature of the beast is being revealed and you can’t even imagine how the person you once loved can fabricate such evil!
Kim says that she was devastated already even before the smear campaign began. “I remember the moment when I told the officer what had happened and the first thing out of his mouth was ma’am, he doesn’t want to press charges! Shocked and dismayed I had no idea what was going on”! Her perpetrator had self-injured just moments before the police had arrived on scene and the whole thing just snowballed after that!
Angelina recalls how it felt sitting in front of detectives listening to the details given by the man who tried to kill her with a rifle a month earlier. Her perpetrator was telling detectives that he was being stalked and harassed when he tried to break things off!
There is nothing more demeaning than a smear campaign! This is when the actual perpetrator turns the tables and becomes the victim!
Kim says that her ex narc was telling people she had a Bi-Polar breakdown! “He said that I had a blackout and couldn’t remember attacking him because of the stress I was under from my father’s recent death! I don’t have Bi-polar Disorder, what I did suffer from was depression from all the emotional abuse he had inflicted over the years! I remember every detail of that day!”
In Angelina’s case she went no-contact and her ex narc enlisted a woman he was dating to stalk her. The woman informed him of her whereabouts, and he showed up and physically attacked her in a grocery store parking lot in front of paralyzed onlookers. Before this incident she had reached out to her local women’s shelter and was told that she would have to stay in-house for 40 days to qualify for services.
Kim was working with a counselor at her local battered women’s shelter as they warned her that when she began cutting off contact, she would be stalked and harassed. She would walk in the door and the phone would actively be ringing with usually 4 messages from her ex on the answering machine. As soon as she picked up the phone there would be headlights in her driveway. He would show up where she was shopping and make a scene!
Kim says there was nothing she could do! He was a hometown boy and even though there had been other allegations of abuse against him over the years it didn’t matter! “I would have only been believed if I was laying on a slab at the morgue”!
Angelina’s ex sent her a text after the Sheriff had tried to serve him with the paperwork for the protection order. He told her he “was going to turn things around and she was going to pay”! Angelina was ghosted for 3 days by her ex narc after the Sheriff’s department had gotten involved. After she was attacked at the grocery store, she decided that being aware of her surroundings was not enough. She enlisted two friends to go to work with her to exercise the horses. Little did she know her ex was waiting at a distance with a rifle. If she had been alone, she wouldn’t be here!
Kim’s ex agreed to the protection order and even though he no longer lived in her small town he made sure he was in it every day! “I knew what his truck sounded like and I was frightened for about a year! I avoided going out of my house to mow the lawn, I didn’t feel safe walking my dogs, I hated going to the grocery store! I had a security system installed with panic buttons in different rooms. I bought a gun but was still afraid to get into the shower because I felt so vulnerable!”
When an abuser can’t get to you directly, they enlist what we call “flying Monkeys.” These are usually damaged individuals that do the abusers bidding. This is to keep you connected to the abuse. It keeps you unbalance and as far away from healing as possible!
Kim says, “I was looking through my Facebook timeline and many of my female friends were posting abuse memes. At first, I thought they were going through the same thing I was but then it hit me, the memes were directed towards me. Shortly after that a neighbor came over and asked me if I had raised my own children! Not being surprised I laughed because I had already seen that meme too! What surprised me most were women posting stories about broken limbs and abuse that was so bad hospitalization was required stating “this is what abuse really looks like”! I eventually unblocked my ex and blocked everyone on his friend’s list and 24 hours later blocked him forever”!
Angelina was the “crazy nutter” accused of stalking and harassing her ex and this was even after she went no contact! This narrative was spread to distant shores 5,000 miles away as the detectives were trying to sort through the mess! With every interview they did with his girlfriends and family they parroted her ex narc’s story. She blocked everyone she could think of, but still they tried to contact her with different accounts. One was bold enough to try to enlist her relatives! She has had to create a fake profile page for her protection.
Angelina and Kim were very lucky! They escaped with their lives and what little sanity they had left! Angelina saved every text message from the beginning of her relationship with her ex-narc so the detectives were able to see the progression of abuse that she suffered and even commented they had never seen anything like it.
In Kim’s case she had found a witness shortly after the assault. When her ex presented himself to the officers he had no shirt on, his hair was a mess and he had scratches on his chest. A neighbor leaving for work saw Kim running up the street and her ex glaring at her from the driveway fully clothed. Kim’s ex did plead guilty for harassment with physical contact and the charges against her were dropped.
If you are going through a smear campaign know that we have been there! We survived by practicing integrity and not reacting to those who were trying to gain supply for the beast. It also showed us the sickness that runs within other individuals and this causes the betrayal to run much deeper.
We have had to let go of friends and family members that practice this dysfunctional type of warfare and we are much better for it.
We have survived the unbelievable arsenal of a Personality Disordered individual and gained an education and perspective that will help us in the future! We are here to share that knowledge with you so hopefully you will never have to go through what we have suffered.
If you have experienced this type of abuse, we are here to support and validate you, so you never have to feel alone again!
Regards and be gentle with yourselves.