As time goes on perhaps there are things that you discover that still makes it hard to breathe. It appears as a heaviness in your chest and can take some of us months or perhaps years to sort through until that feeling leaves. The further we investigate the more we uncover and that can be very validating but at the same time hurtful because it adds one more thing to the already long list of betrayals!
Angelina had recently found out that the ex-narcissist had tried to involve her family members early on after a short break-up. This one was painful because her beloved father who is now passed on was put in the throes of emotional turmoil because of a brazen narrative she knew nothing about.
It was 2 years into their relationship, and both were living in different countries at the time. This is a story about control and an attempt to isolate Angelina that backfired.
Angelina had lost her mother at a very young age so it was her father that would raise her along with a very loving family filled with cousins’ aunts and uncles. The world that she would grow up in was filled with adventure and a life that many of us only dream of.
She along with her friends would ride their horses to school daily. There were still oxen bearing loads of fresh fruit and vegetables moving slowly up the road as they headed for daily market. There was swimming in the ocean and the lush vegetation of the jungle that was the purest form of nature that was yet untouched by man. The people that surrounded her were vibrant and welcoming and would all come together to help one another when someone was in need. Moving to America could have been a discouraging task but instead her father found a community that was filled with people with the same values from home.
As Angelina goes through text messages a memory comes to mind. It is an earlier conversation with her now ex-fiancé. He messaged telling her that he had wished her aunt happy birthday on her Facebook timeline and when he went to look it was not there. Angelina’s Aunt must have deleted it and he couldn’t understand why. This is an example of how predators’ triangulate and try to cause turmoil and chaos in relationships with those we love. Angelina had gotten a hold of her aunt asking if she had gotten a message from her then fiancé and asked if she deleted the message? Her aunt told her that she never got the message as she has alerts set up on her phone and she certainly would never delete a birthday message. Angelina knew once again her fiancé was lying!
This had become a common occurrence in Angelina’s life as facts and truth were being twisted by her ex- fiancé to anyone who would lend him a listening ear. To watch someone, go to such lengths to try to fracture lifelong family bonds is despicable at best!
During their short break up Angelina’s ex-fiancé did his best to make her look bad by sharing cropped text messages trying to make it look as though the break-up was her fault and said she know longer wanted to have anything to do with her cousin. Angelina says, “When I was finally able to meet with my cousin, I was able to show him the whole conversation and then the many things I was accused of saying were just not there”!
In talking to her Aunt recently, the heaviness in her chest returned as a haunting story was conveyed about what else her fiancé had done behind her back during this short break-up. Apparently, her ex was bold enough to try to drag her father into the mix and attempt to create a wedge between them that may have not been easily repaired.
By this time Angelina’s father was living in their country of origin taking care of the many businesses he owned. Angelina’s father had received several text messages from her now ex-fiancé. This time he was trying to enlist her father because he could no longer do this on his own and Angelina really needed help! He had conveyed that Angelina was stripping in clubs, dancing on a pole in front of strangers! Her father had raised her and knew better telling her ex-fiancé that he better stop spreading rumors.
Angelina had not seen her father in 7 months and missed him desperately as she was securing her future with her own business venture. She had no idea that any of this was happening and her father had never told her of this experience.
On a business trip to Italy her father decided he was going to pay her ex a visit and after the meeting finished, he took the first flight out to her ex-fiancé’s country of origin. It took two days to finally come face to face with the man but when they did meet it would put a stop to the deceit.
Angelina’s father had her ex in a corner telling him that he would not stand for this type of cruelty trying to ruin his daughter’s reputation. The ex-fiancé argued with her father and said she’s dancing on the poles at night getting money from strangers and this made dad even madder. The ex went on to say that she had new tattoos all up and down her legs and showed my father a picture. It was another woman’s body with a photo shopped face that was mine! My father ended up pummeling him and left.
I don’t know why my father never relayed this story to me. Maybe he thought I was finished with him at the time.
Because this ploy of control didn’t work, my ex-fiancé moved to America and we reconciled. This enabled him to really begin asserting control because my family was not here with me. I remember not being able to understand why he would tell me again and again that my father hated him and would never accept him. Now with this new information I knew exactly why, and he was right!
I am still discovering pieces of the puzzle and yes, each piece stings as much as the next but it is helping me to gain closure on a chapter in my life that was so full of turmoil and pain. I would have never thought that I would have ever been targeted by a predator but now that it has happened it has changed me in so many ways as it does with most of us! Knowing that he had involved my father the way he did was heartbreaking but my dad is the hero of the story and although he couldn’t save me from what would eventually happen to me, he knew that he had raised a strong capable woman that could face anything with integrity!