It was a beautiful sunlit afternoon when my fiancé called and invited me to go on a picnic.  While excitingly playing a romantic scene in my mind, I packed up drinks and sandwiches and felt like I was floating on air.  I hadn’t gotten a lot of alone time with him because of our work schedules and even though things weren’t great at the time I was always looking for that moment when things would turn around in our relationship.

I knew he had had an affair and I was still wounded from the lies and the unfamiliar changes in his personality that persisted wondering how we would ever get back what we had lost.  After all I loved him and was committed to making things work as he would look deeply into my eyes and tell me how much he loved me and couldn’t imagine his life without me.  There were also many things that were happening that I didn’t understand.  I hadn’t yet discovered the word Narcissism or Antisocial Personality Disorder so instead I continued to try to do better hoping he would follow suit.

He made it so easy to forget the bad times like when I would be sitting in a heap on the floor sobbing as he towered over me shouting about a drink I had spilled at dinner. He wouldn’t ask for forgiveness, instead he would shower me with love and flowers and take me on extravagant adventures that would leave me breathless.  His lovely accent from his country of origin was something else that would easily bowl me over.

I like so many others thought abuse was a violent array of outbursts with physical contact. No one ever warned me about emotional abuse and how it was just as vicious and did much of the same kind of damage.  It would take me five years to finally escape and I would pay a dreadful price!

He pulled in my driveway and we packed up the truck.  I had no idea where he was taking me as he told me it was a surprise.  We drove about an hour away to our destination and ended up in a very secluded spot in the canyons near the lake.  There wasn’t another soul around, just the sun caressing the waters in a shimmering glow and the unbelievable scenery of the mountains that surrounded us.  It couldn’t have been a more perfect spot!  With his help we started unpacking, spreading the blanket out with sweet gentle kisses that felt warm and welcoming as I pondered the thought of how fortunate I was. 

He informed me that he had left something in the truck and had to run up and retrieve it.  I had just finished setting everything up with care and sat on the blanket waiting for his return.  It was so nice leaving the hustle and bustle of the city behind as well as the busy work week I had just had. 

My thoughts were soon interrupted by how much time had passed and my fiancé had still not returned.  I looked at my phone and it had been 15 minutes. I began to worry so I got up and began walking the elevated trail that led to the truck.  As I got to the top to my surprise the truck was gone and so was he!  I had no cell service and thought possibly he would return so I descended the trail and sat waiting on the blanket trying to stay calm.

I had never visited this side of the lake and was very unfamiliar with the terrain.  I told myself if he didn’t return in another half an hour I would have to try to find help.  Still I tried not to panic as it would be dark soon. Eventually, I packed everything up and began walking.  I can’t tell you if I was more overcome with fear or anger realizing I had been abandoned by him. 

As the sun was now setting and my arms full of the picnic gear I continued to walk.  I had no idea where I was going and still had no cell service.  I was also in shock asking myself why in the world would anyone do this to someone?  I was on the road for a good 30 minutes until a park ranger pulled up beside me asking if I needed help then saving me from the horrible debacle I found myself in.  The ranger told me of the many animals that are dangerous as I told him I was already well aware.  Barely believing the story that was coming from my mouth he drove me to the station where I could at least make a phone call!  No one was available at the time, so I told the ranger to call a taxi service.  At this point I didn’t care how much the cost would be, I just wanted to get home!

As soon as I had cell service I called my fiancé. He wouldn’t answer so I sent him a few disgruntled text messages.  Here are his replies.

One never knows what goes on in the mind of those who are so damaged. It is only now that I have a different perspective on the whole thing and the way it played out.  It is my belief that he took me there to kill me!  Being reminded by the ranger of all the big cats in the area they would have never found my body.  What I also found curious was how he found this particular area.  It wasn’t on any of the maps and he hadn’t lived in the U.S. for that long.  He had chosen the perfect secluded location for a reason and at some point he lost his nerve and left, saving my life! 

One never expects the level of cruelty or to what lengths another human being will go to. The ruthlessness of it all knocks you off balance again and again while they sweep in acting like the hero, when we know they are the ultimate villain.  Was this incident just a practice run for what would eventually ensue later? 

I am a National statistic. I am victim of the worst type of attack, the one you don’t see coming. This was a man that was considered nonviolent up until the point he shot me when I went no-contact.

I survived and found my voice and became a Warrior against Narcissistic Abuse!